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I have noticed mine is never listed too, but i always get people joining, as long as your heartbeat in server is successful its working. i think the new server list has trouble if your resolving your self. i tried not using same computer but on my same WiFi as server and it comes up listed every time, i think its a matter of faith, i use this in client console >
connect localhost:4977
and yes port 4977 is a must since 4976 is client bound assuming your like me and have to run that first
on the host console just use command:
fast_restart
this set map to all initial positions and if all players are present the command starts over the map with all present and alive round 1
it is worth while setting up a dedicated server on one of the lan machines you and friend are playing on, which ever is most powerful, xpartygo on my pc runs a lil laggy but dedicated host and client simultaneously actually has a smother outcome. AND then you can use fast_restart on dedicated